“You can’t help someone who doesn’t want help.” I disagree.
I currently work in the office two days a week helping patients. However, I spend hours outside of the office replying to messages and e-mails during the week. Hours sending dietary and lifestyle recommendations to my patients. Hours researching so I can be a better educator. And when I’m not physically with my patients, I am often thinking about them.
Especially this morning.
I left one appointment yesterday feeling defeated and powerless. This patient NEEDS help but rejects it. Why would someone do this? Can’t they see that I want the best for them?
It’s easy to get frustrated and retreat in my line of work. After all, why would I spend time trying to help someone who doesn’t want my help? I have limited time, so surely I want to fill it with patients that welcome my help and are dedicated to the process. Right?
A part of me wants to just cut ties. I don’t want to waste their time or their money. But a bigger piece of me knows that this person is hurting and while their words say otherwise, they are truly begging for help inside.
How can I turn my back to this? The answer is I can’t.
Many people think I just tell patients what to eat and what to avoid and send them on their way. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. You see, food is emotional for many people. They eat when they’re sad, they’re sad because they eat. Many of them are also sick because of what they eat.
In my appointments, we talk about all of the pillars of health. I know how well my patients are sleeping, whether they have exercised, how much water they drank, what they’re stressed about, how many times they have bowel movements each day, and in many cases, their sex life.
Why is all of this information necessary? Because, what my patients eat, determines how they feel and how they feel affects everything in their life.
Food is not just food. It literally builds us from the inside out. It affects the number on the scale, how much energy we have, our happiness, our digestion, our ability to manage stress, and yes, our sex drive.
So needless to say, I get to know my patients VERY well. Many of them become friends, motherly figures, daily inspiration, and my motivation to continue doing what I love.
This is why I can’t give up, even on the patients that challenge me the most. I know that once that barrier is broken, beautiful things will happen. I just have to have patience. Something motherhood has taught me that I was severely lacking. It’s a daily struggle.
Years ago, I literally googled, “How to help someone who doesn’t want your help?”
I was expecting to read that you should just give up if you’ve tried numerous times to help someone and they reject it again and again.
But that’s not what I read. Instead I learned new ways to reach people that aren’t quite ready to accept help. I am going to share them here not only as a reminder for myself, but in hopes that it may help someone who is experiencing something similar.
So, here they are: 10 Ways to Help Someone Who Doesn’t Want Your Help
1. Self Check In- Does this person really need your help or are you pushing your own personal agenda on them? If you truly believe they need your help, then pursue.
2. Don’t judge- You may think you know someone, but you haven’t walked in their shoes every single day of their life. Always assume the best until proven otherwise.
3. Can’t vs Won’t- Is it that they can’t help themselves or they won’t? There’s a big difference. Young children for example CAN’T drive themselves to the grocery store and choose healthy food. They CAN’T cook a healthy dinner every night. Their parents must be the ones to help make these positive changes.
4. They may not trust you….yet- Maybe someone important to them has let them down in the past. Maybe many people have let them down in their life. Don’t be another disappointment. Be patient and supportive and they will most likely come around.
5. This is their journey, not yours- You are not in control of their journey. There is a reason, however, that you are in their life. Educate and provide them with the tools they need to help themselves.
6. Be a good role model- Show them what it is like when you love and respect yourself. Also, sometimes sharing your personal journey can help them connect to you better.
7. Stay strong!- Use your strength to combat their weakness. It takes time.
8. Love them until they learn to love themselves.
9. Learn when to let go and love them from afar- Sometimes by trying to help, we may make things worse. When you stop seeing any benefit from your time together, it may be time to walk away.
10. Give yourself grace- You cannot help everyone. Maybe there is someone who can better help them. Seek them out and take comfort in knowing that you did all you could. Continue to check in and send them love.
I often have to remind myself that those people that are the most difficult and combative are usually the ones hurting the most. By simply counterbalancing that with love, we can make a big difference in their lives and in ours.
“We work on ourselves in order to help others, but we also help others in order to work on ourselves.” ~Pema Chodron
Questions? Just ask!
Want to work with me 1:1 to create the perfect diet for you and/or your family? Contact me today at dana@thrivekin.com.